We had ring-side seats to a comedy duo of door-fitters last week. We welcomed them into our home with high expectations, and watched from a distance as they installed a new front door and bumbled and struggled their way through the reinstallation of our bathroom door frame and door using more brute force, than finesse
They swung mallets and hammers dangerously close to our freshly installed floor and wall tile, and Red paced around them like a caged lion on hot coals. Pouncing every now and then to grab their forearms mid-swing. Occasionally baring his teeth and emitting a low growl when their work methods defied all human logic.
Why won’t it fit?
The frame and door they couldn’t make fit, was the exact same door that came out of the same space last week. Now admittedly, the walls aren’t straight … but if it came out, doesn’t it stand to reason that it should go back in?
Laurel and Hardy were a determined pair! They wrestled and shoved in the door jam into the available space .. only to discover that because we’d tiled over the bathroom floor tiles .. there wasn’t enough clearance to have the door open inwards … so they flipped the door around to open outwards.
The merry dance of flipping the frame was like watching a cringe-worthy repeat of a terrible sitcom, and was almost too much for Red to bear. I tried to distract him with a cup of coffee and a mushroom omelette of epic proportions .. but the dining table had ringside seats and a clear view of Laurel and Hardy’s antics. Between mouthfuls .. Red was in and out of his seat like a jack-in-the box with Tourettes.
When the door was finally installed … Red cut-them off at the pass as they reached for the cement and their trowels. They were ushered off the stage and out of them door with a job half-done, before Hardy could mutter “that’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into”.
When the coast was clear .. I ventured into the hall to inspect the work. Only to discover that not only did our door open outwards, but it now locked from the outside! Useful if you want to hold your toilet rolls hostage, but not much use for a private moment in the throne room.
We tried switching the handle around, but to no avail. So it was a good excuse for a trip to Turgutreis to buy a new door handle that would enable us to lock the door from the inside … a novel concept. We could only find a silver handle … so it’s the odd one out in the entire house.
A couple of days later, when Red was emotionally ready to face the scene of the crime … he started to mend the damage and gashes that had been inflicted on the door-jam, and he’s doing a much better job than Laurel and Hardy!
When is a House a Home?
A house isn’t a home until it’s filled with memories. And now every time I look at that one silver handle I can think about the comedic performance from Laurel and Hardy …. a duo that aren’t being invited back for a repeat performance.